If I could go back to .....
All this writing advice to students of today brought me of course to pose the question- what would I do differently if I could go back?
Firstly back as me now? Not a fair thing to do. Better back as an angel on his shoulder and the odd letter from a long lost explorer uncle.
Start again today? well maybe I would have risen better to the financial challenges and take it all more seriously...but let's "do" way back then...
So what magical influence would I make on the 1986-1996 me??
Maybe more sublte than I can actually believe. Choice of study wise, no real issue. I would go back to Glasgow Uni and do it all again. I would try and take thrid year more seriously and also push back against bad teaching- go see B.A. Knights about my project in final year..but hey.
post grad I think I would want to advise Mr. M to do a Phd- a shitty high speed one, but all the shit I have to put up with now from 'scientists' would be put down a fair bit. But in reality I would go back to strathclyde Uni again, having worked in medical sales in Aberdeen and with a Kiwi girl friend in tow....
Jopb wise I would have worked more--- become a quite 'wealthy' student and afforded myself decent clothes, contact lenses and holidays. I would learn to take cash flow a bit more seriously and as a challenge to meet.
Women...the big one. it's a big ask. Be mroe aware I am attractive to really quite beatuiful girsl and be confident about them when they show 'signals'. Set much more of a price on friendships and networking through girls. Still had all the ones I did anyway, but go after more quality and ok some more quantity. The two large ones I mention in the other bloggspot. Taste them at least. And make a few more drubken passes for fun...
With freinds in general I would set more of a price on their freindship while taking it less subjectively. Walk away from Kenny a lot more and argue with the prick. Follow up other friends like richie ect more and as mentioned have more freindshps with girsl witout any focus on maybe sinking it into them! Not worry about not fitting in with trendies while just working around them and bad mouthing the priks. A bit more "ronan" from QM Ents committee!
My one biggest regret was loosing the wee network I had and never keeping in touch with them. Aberdeen prove a lonely planet, and helensburgh a pish poor place.
career wise later on, I would steer Mr M at 25 to move south and work in something interesting in the home counties or as I did later at 28, manchester. The two year career maker should have happened then and I should have been much more confident today than I am. Also of course look for better jobs WHILE IN a job. I would have been wise in terms of money and be womning a part of a business by the age of say 33.
Debt wise I would not worry so much about the first debts but from Uni 2nd time I woudl have got temportary work. First time around I would have not moved out of glasgow home to H'boro. That , twice, was my biggest mistake.
Women again...well i would have taken Esther Pappworth up the wrong'un and tried it on with her two mates. Totally immoral but she was a big 18 month waste of time. I should have realised there were more options out there, and got out a little more as it then set me back when I was in work again. I'd try it on with that bit from marblehead and sealed the deal with wee marg- spreads easily. Not forgettting sharon- she would have got it several times in 'romantic' " we can't do this" themes. Ah, but then again I could have been married to her or one of the "big two"....
I'd learn to be more assertive and less chatty. Learn to work around assholes like archie and barry and Fabeinne. In fact i would focus in on standin g up for my rights and on my own motivations-.
motivation! yes I think for me it is kind of a snowball ---once rolling it is good like 4th year Uni and medical sales.
I seemed to loose the plot a bit around 1994-5. which would have been helped by moving south
sprots wise- sailign a lot earølier, more kempo, less cyceling and much more gymn work when young to impress the gasl and be strong for sailing.
well that's nuff for noo
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Whispering Blogg Revisited
Whispering and all these things I describe earlier come bloody near natural to some. It's just an obvious conscious and sub consious path of decisions to get themselves laid! They tend to be generally quite successful types who cruise though much of life...but you see they have a deep rooted motivation to achieve - they set a price on goals and can put a line of small things to achieve towards that goal. They also have a deep seated belief they can achieve what they set out to/feel they want to and are not too fussed when they fall short- the have already another thing to cccupy them!
you and me dear reader, ont he other hand, are a bit clumsy. Probably an overly testorone male. We just blunder on in their with a body languiage and ettiquette like a bricky ...
As i said in the last post, a good deal of all this is really about taming the shrew...you yourself change in the process. You whisper your own behaviour down to a level which is socailly very fluid in the eyes of women. And it will arm you for mature relationships throughout your life with women.
Armed with all this now, I would of course pull a bit more often and mabe have gone out with the gorgeous one who we once talked to on the train to Martin Stevenson and the Dainty's and who looked at me speaking to kevin with 'oh you are a nice man I would like" ...the tall lankey beatufil medical student...a few others. But in general I kind of lerant empircally and offer this up to you at an age where it doesn't matter to me any more!!!
On the theme of their sexuality...women around the age of 19 to 22 are deeply sexual ...they are really mature enough to cope with their inhibitions and emotions and explore a little more than the fumbling or unsatisfactory attempts in ther mid teens. In the point of darkness, when the man goes in for the pull from the floor and the kill in the bed, this is actually a deeply erotic yet very romantic point for her too. Often they will just get carried away with the rush of it all...so a man has a responsibility to push himself er, in there and take charge...but only when the signs are right and contraception and concent are at hand.
If I knew how deeply desirous and strange a womans sexuality is at this point then you can bet I would have enjoyed myself a lot more. It can remain a kind of 'lost in the river's flow' or each one is a near subconsious fantasy with a theme like a moroccon hareem or a mali beach in their heads. Although guys, especially au chien, will think of others actively, woman may refer to an idealist vision and feeling about this being with the best man in the world...you just being an actor in their greater scene.
But the older me? If I went back as me but in a young me capsule then I would just be looking to snag the best I could who was really interesting and I enjoyed being with. I would snowball my way much more and maintain lucrative networks, whispring my way in to both the ideal potentials and the quickies!! But I would be looking for a partner who could become a life ling friend and confident out of it all...and yes it would be either the shy, tall, beautiful nmedical student or the girl fromt he train!!!
Whispering and all these things I describe earlier come bloody near natural to some. It's just an obvious conscious and sub consious path of decisions to get themselves laid! They tend to be generally quite successful types who cruise though much of life...but you see they have a deep rooted motivation to achieve - they set a price on goals and can put a line of small things to achieve towards that goal. They also have a deep seated belief they can achieve what they set out to/feel they want to and are not too fussed when they fall short- the have already another thing to cccupy them!
you and me dear reader, ont he other hand, are a bit clumsy. Probably an overly testorone male. We just blunder on in their with a body languiage and ettiquette like a bricky ...
As i said in the last post, a good deal of all this is really about taming the shrew...you yourself change in the process. You whisper your own behaviour down to a level which is socailly very fluid in the eyes of women. And it will arm you for mature relationships throughout your life with women.
Armed with all this now, I would of course pull a bit more often and mabe have gone out with the gorgeous one who we once talked to on the train to Martin Stevenson and the Dainty's and who looked at me speaking to kevin with 'oh you are a nice man I would like" ...the tall lankey beatufil medical student...a few others. But in general I kind of lerant empircally and offer this up to you at an age where it doesn't matter to me any more!!!
On the theme of their sexuality...women around the age of 19 to 22 are deeply sexual ...they are really mature enough to cope with their inhibitions and emotions and explore a little more than the fumbling or unsatisfactory attempts in ther mid teens. In the point of darkness, when the man goes in for the pull from the floor and the kill in the bed, this is actually a deeply erotic yet very romantic point for her too. Often they will just get carried away with the rush of it all...so a man has a responsibility to push himself er, in there and take charge...but only when the signs are right and contraception and concent are at hand.
If I knew how deeply desirous and strange a womans sexuality is at this point then you can bet I would have enjoyed myself a lot more. It can remain a kind of 'lost in the river's flow' or each one is a near subconsious fantasy with a theme like a moroccon hareem or a mali beach in their heads. Although guys, especially au chien, will think of others actively, woman may refer to an idealist vision and feeling about this being with the best man in the world...you just being an actor in their greater scene.
But the older me? If I went back as me but in a young me capsule then I would just be looking to snag the best I could who was really interesting and I enjoyed being with. I would snowball my way much more and maintain lucrative networks, whispring my way in to both the ideal potentials and the quickies!! But I would be looking for a partner who could become a life ling friend and confident out of it all...and yes it would be either the shy, tall, beautiful nmedical student or the girl fromt he train!!!
Advice to those Moving to Norway
Well it's a bit of a basturt for we brits to move to Norway.
There are many contradictions here and the unwary brit may go under the impression that social ettiquette can be imported with only a minor bit of language relabelling. Slik funker det ikkje.
Ok, so you are a british guy and you have most likely met a norwegian girl...or WLTM, GSOH, FSH "no time wasters" ...Lets face the adverage pie in the uk is dire and you get enough flies to dirve you mad swotting them off if you manage to grab a looker with personality. Whereas the average norwegian gal is not only pretty, slim and open to conversation but as likely as not to enjoy serious mountains, roughing it in tents and cabins, fresh air sex and catching / gutting a cod....and they uncountable...anywhere you go here. In fact you start to notice the plain, ugly or fat girls here because they stand out like sore thumbs.
First of all there is the whole mating game- do you really want to move to Norway and be surrounded by all her mates and family without much of the lnaguage and anyway, the usual 'new boyfriend' shit ? No...give it some time, live together at least a few months in the UK or move to somewhere like Oslo or Stavanger away from where she comes from or at least big enough and ex-pat enough to let you have your own escapisms.
Learn the language, it's pretty easy, especially if you ever spent a lot of time on Shakespeare and that funny old verb inversion stuff. Tapes, books and perseverance. It will be a good bonding experience with your viking lass IF you take it with a sense of humour and don't try to use it much infront of her pals/family- stick to pleasentries in norsk. ( as said earlier in another post this is good advice when meeting new noregains at any point- you are a bit of a "fifth columnist" when you do speak good norwegian- it puts them at un ease as they are quite xenophobic- better to be a "guest" in the country)
Now consider the jobb situation...you need something which is of course not dependent on a lot of verbal or 'technical' communication in the lingo. Even if you acheive "bergens' test" you should be modest in your ambitions in this area.
If howvere you work in engineering or other oil related yrkes then you will have no bother in getting established in Norway. Just be PPP- polite, patient and bloody persistent.
Outside oil it is a bit of a bastar.....When it comes to getting other types of work it all depends here...luck being a factor and bloody minded strong will and hard work help....before you move though get some leads in your 'industry' but more importantly you must remember that outside oil it is a little country.. new career move comes hand in hand with moving to Alta or Leirvik!
Your best source is going to be her indoors and extended network of pals. Norwegian girsl expect their men to be quite able to get on with job hunting and most will only help a little- they rightly won't sit in an interview for you! If however all her family and mates work in the public sector then you are unlikely to get an "In" - better if they are in business or work in medium sized businesses with some links to blighty.
Mine werr on the other side- the former nationalised telephone company, now down sizing like mad, and schools. Shit. I did get a good leg up from my Brother in law with some three months part time work which saved my sanity and let me practice norwegian..that and the job club saved me here as far as the ear for the yocals goes and forcing myself to formulate / be understood at least in simple norsk.
Recruitment consultants (outside oil and IT sectors) will not touch you with a barge pole, unless you have something unique to offer or are really pretty competant in norsk - if not by then fluent. Don't waste your breath on them- phone round firms you are interested in.
Transfer all your tax rights, p61 or the like it is, and register with all the authorities and the employment agency as seeking work- make sure you get your first years work permit - do it in person and get up early and stand in line as otherwise it takes all bloodyd ay. Avoid july august and even mid june onwards if you can- lots of renewels of students starting in mid august, and most of the staff on holiday.
Retraining is a definitie option - once you have Bergen's test you have access to all relevant education. Trades are a good plan---even tile layers get about 25 grand basic and it is easy to go self employed or dare i say it, work a little black! The other half's cousin married an Irish guy who was a career soldier and into peace keeping. Now Norway is a major peace broker with a little peace "industry"...but none out in Televåg!!! So he took odd jobs, learnt the lingo and trained as a plumber. Still not enough work ( while delivering kids to school etc) he retrained again as a bus driver!
The far better option is relocation to somewhere in Norway which actually has jobs for YOU or a super-duper job for the other half i.e. well over 400 o00 NOK. ( the average starte home int he cities is about 1.8 to 2 million NOK!! but with an intake of about 600K you can get mortgaged and get a depsoit loan from the council or some employers offer help e.g. statoil/hydro)
The second thing about relocaton is that it can get you away from the claustriphobia of little norwegian towns and the endless rounds of family parties with cream laden cakes and overcooked coffee! In a large extended family, say twenty cousins, you could easily spend every weekend in the whole year on family events or just visits. This can serioulsy eat into your enthusiasm for the country which on outset offered endless mountain walks, skiing, cabin sex, and fishing trips
Well it's a bit of a basturt for we brits to move to Norway.
There are many contradictions here and the unwary brit may go under the impression that social ettiquette can be imported with only a minor bit of language relabelling. Slik funker det ikkje.
Ok, so you are a british guy and you have most likely met a norwegian girl...or WLTM, GSOH, FSH "no time wasters" ...Lets face the adverage pie in the uk is dire and you get enough flies to dirve you mad swotting them off if you manage to grab a looker with personality. Whereas the average norwegian gal is not only pretty, slim and open to conversation but as likely as not to enjoy serious mountains, roughing it in tents and cabins, fresh air sex and catching / gutting a cod....and they uncountable...anywhere you go here. In fact you start to notice the plain, ugly or fat girls here because they stand out like sore thumbs.
First of all there is the whole mating game- do you really want to move to Norway and be surrounded by all her mates and family without much of the lnaguage and anyway, the usual 'new boyfriend' shit ? No...give it some time, live together at least a few months in the UK or move to somewhere like Oslo or Stavanger away from where she comes from or at least big enough and ex-pat enough to let you have your own escapisms.
Learn the language, it's pretty easy, especially if you ever spent a lot of time on Shakespeare and that funny old verb inversion stuff. Tapes, books and perseverance. It will be a good bonding experience with your viking lass IF you take it with a sense of humour and don't try to use it much infront of her pals/family- stick to pleasentries in norsk. ( as said earlier in another post this is good advice when meeting new noregains at any point- you are a bit of a "fifth columnist" when you do speak good norwegian- it puts them at un ease as they are quite xenophobic- better to be a "guest" in the country)
Now consider the jobb situation...you need something which is of course not dependent on a lot of verbal or 'technical' communication in the lingo. Even if you acheive "bergens' test" you should be modest in your ambitions in this area.
If howvere you work in engineering or other oil related yrkes then you will have no bother in getting established in Norway. Just be PPP- polite, patient and bloody persistent.
Outside oil it is a bit of a bastar.....When it comes to getting other types of work it all depends here...luck being a factor and bloody minded strong will and hard work help....before you move though get some leads in your 'industry' but more importantly you must remember that outside oil it is a little country.. new career move comes hand in hand with moving to Alta or Leirvik!
Your best source is going to be her indoors and extended network of pals. Norwegian girsl expect their men to be quite able to get on with job hunting and most will only help a little- they rightly won't sit in an interview for you! If however all her family and mates work in the public sector then you are unlikely to get an "In" - better if they are in business or work in medium sized businesses with some links to blighty.
Mine werr on the other side- the former nationalised telephone company, now down sizing like mad, and schools. Shit. I did get a good leg up from my Brother in law with some three months part time work which saved my sanity and let me practice norwegian..that and the job club saved me here as far as the ear for the yocals goes and forcing myself to formulate / be understood at least in simple norsk.
Recruitment consultants (outside oil and IT sectors) will not touch you with a barge pole, unless you have something unique to offer or are really pretty competant in norsk - if not by then fluent. Don't waste your breath on them- phone round firms you are interested in.
Transfer all your tax rights, p61 or the like it is, and register with all the authorities and the employment agency as seeking work- make sure you get your first years work permit - do it in person and get up early and stand in line as otherwise it takes all bloodyd ay. Avoid july august and even mid june onwards if you can- lots of renewels of students starting in mid august, and most of the staff on holiday.
Retraining is a definitie option - once you have Bergen's test you have access to all relevant education. Trades are a good plan---even tile layers get about 25 grand basic and it is easy to go self employed or dare i say it, work a little black! The other half's cousin married an Irish guy who was a career soldier and into peace keeping. Now Norway is a major peace broker with a little peace "industry"...but none out in Televåg!!! So he took odd jobs, learnt the lingo and trained as a plumber. Still not enough work ( while delivering kids to school etc) he retrained again as a bus driver!
The far better option is relocation to somewhere in Norway which actually has jobs for YOU or a super-duper job for the other half i.e. well over 400 o00 NOK. ( the average starte home int he cities is about 1.8 to 2 million NOK!! but with an intake of about 600K you can get mortgaged and get a depsoit loan from the council or some employers offer help e.g. statoil/hydro)
The second thing about relocaton is that it can get you away from the claustriphobia of little norwegian towns and the endless rounds of family parties with cream laden cakes and overcooked coffee! In a large extended family, say twenty cousins, you could easily spend every weekend in the whole year on family events or just visits. This can serioulsy eat into your enthusiasm for the country which on outset offered endless mountain walks, skiing, cabin sex, and fishing trips
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Young man , Young man
Si les jeunnes...... if the young had the savez and the old had the body....
Okay here si some advice to the budding hetero about to start college, university or maybe a huge company with a lot of females staff.
To whom has the odd issue with approaching and approachability and is seeking a nice variety to spice up life before settling down later...much later
Uni or college in particular is the ripest period because for one there are a lot of women at most and two they at least have somethings in common- at least average IQ, middle class (or ambition that way) , non drop out . If you can't lose it- and get "it" regular at Uni then you probably never will.
The first thing you have to decide is whether you are most Gamma Male or mostly Alpha male. Maybe it swings with your moods, but both are just as easy to pull with...and use the same techniques in only subtly different approaches.
Also you have to decide what you want? I wanted wee indie chicks or anything that was going really. I didn't like proto yuppies or overtly goth or trendies or rich girls. Do you want a life long partner or just like me, erm... plenty booty!!
Be ready to walk away...if they are in your year then you have four to five years plus the extended social post uni circle that may come...so a shy, immature 19 year old could grow into a ripe one only when she is in her late twenties or even early thirties..It may be that at that time they just weren't ready to be as "adventurous" as you i.e meat and two veg, condoms and no blow jobs....think about the mother-hen, network and snowballing ideas.
On the other hand be ruthless- it the tame wee chemistry student you can easily avoid wants to give you drunken-head then bloody encourage her! Standards are there for long term things, not short term bum-fun. However standards need to be built up towards so that you are comfortable with hunting "big game" later in life.
Here are some of the golden rules
1) the last ten minutes of the night and the que for the chippy / bus / taxi are the most fruitful
this is something I never really learnt...the club night was over, there was no score, it is time to go to bed....well yes, with someone else!
The rest of the night should be spent posturing ( see below) whereas the very last few minutes of the dance or the way home via fast food or taxi rank are the most prodigous WHY?
because this is when the prey is at it's very most vulnerable. All night they have been on the defensive- eyeing people up and keeping in their comfort zone by being hyper judgemental or turnign down a few advances. BUT now the boot is on the other foot....they have not had any attention which is going anywhere..they have 'failed to pull'....also now they split away from the pack ( see below)
also the alcohol level is still rising while the inhibitions are falling and the idea of a warm body to cling to is more appealing.
Outside the disco they will be in smaller mini packs or even alone. Then it is easier to make one to one contact and also queing has a natural tendency to break barriers.
2) split them off from the pack
this is the one technique which all guys must learn- get them away from both their wee pack and MORE importantly, your pack!!!! Your new univeristy mates suddenly become sharks tasting blood and will elbow you, the one who 'pulled', out the way. Unless you are a star, never be a fisherman for your mates...let them do that for you ( in suprrisng ways)
a good variation on this theme is foriegners and this exmplifies the rule- why? Well women don't like to be seen as 'slack', sluttish, teasing or flirtatious in front of their social peer group. However foreign exchange stuidents knwo they will only take a couple of pals with them and don't give a shit about what the 'peers' think! They are adventourous enought to study abroad- and boy! are they adventourous. They are prepared to try out the usual prizes a guyt looks for much more readily or even dabble in threesomes. No reputation to live down you see! they go home with a clean sheet and some of theri curiosusity and nymphomania cured. You can afford to have a far more aggressive pursuit of them, in the knowledge they are more adventouroous and also seekign initnamte company in the foriegn land
3) never look like you are on the pull...posture posture!
Posturing takes different forms, the best relating to networking as discussed later....it means making yourselves look like you are not on the pull...you are going to swim in with the fin on the surface later on at the end of the night of course! You want to look like you are all having a good time together
you are most likely to pull when you least have intention! why? well you may not have noticed but someone has been looking at you, there having fun, relaxed , avoiding eye contact outside people you can actually interact with.
Another posture is the humour one- dicking around with some girls as you come into proximity. Best done as a kind of double act or just yourself on the edges. If you are a natural clown then you can lead a whole group-group introduction...this blogg is not written for clowns though! Clowns tend to be rather sad at the end of the day anyway.
Macho posturing is good for those trips to Sharon-Tracy Land .ie. trashy city discos outside the uni environ's. Tracy is looking for a Himbo, while Sharon is looking for a Hunk. nothing sophisticated but a bit of swaggering, keeping a little distance and a bit of winding up of girls who look ridiculous. Dress accordingly...which brings me to.....
4) Dress well, spend some time on yourself and find a look...
I don't mean go out in a suit and tie...dress to your social circle and dress to your natural Gamma or Alpha--- which is either "one of the gang" with the latest trend which fits in, or " the lone ranger" with something a little alternative, daring or cutting edge fashion.
Or just some clothes and a look which you REALLY suit.
In fact though, being a bit zany at Uni always gets attention... you could go out in a Gorrilla suit and be more likely to pull a fitty than in the latest Next gear
Girls need a good excuse to talk to you and clothes or appearance is used accordingly- either the 'twee' we fit in ( yawn, fashion) or the "my, my you are a bit different" approaches.
don't wear glasses unless they are special and add something to you. 'Contacts' are far better for selling yourself while posturing and musch better for say a wet walk home from Queens in belfast. They just lend themselves to eye contact.
5) Networking, and mother hens ( see snowballing below also)
Ever wonder how some guys seem to always get gorgeousy girls? Just a succession of lady young lovely! Think it is just luck, chat and good looks? wrong! it is calculated networking....
At a commuter belt Uni like glasgow, a good number of students will come with a little social network from school and usually the tennis club is their happiest hunting ground for getting into a network ( as well as seeing the skin before they buy!!)
These contacts withion the wider network are all carefully nurtured with potential scores or partners "groomed" over a matter of months or even years! If you have guys as pals or class / sports acquiantances who are in one of these circles, use the hell out of them and don't let them side line you. They can get pretty nippy when you are all over one of their groomed brides..so be subtle...get into networking with the GIRLS....these guys will never set you up with out some ulterior motive and are more likely to just try and cut you off if you are seen as a lone-shark using them. Remember get away from the packs, and get into the lady network somehow or just hang out waiting for to pick out. It can be worth offering a couple of class contacts if you like, as a potential network of your own as a sacrificial lamb to keep the guys who have their fingers int he pies interested in you and mayeb playing the game.
If you become a confidant then you may get in on the whole game. Like the masons, potential contracts are discussed with hushed voiced behind closed doors....
Alternatively the Uni may be a live away dormitory place where these new circles are very much forming. If you want pretty girls then go to the circles they are available through- is it theatre (mostly dogs or huge egos if they are pretty) ? Is it tennis? Martial arts? Fecning ?Horse Riding? Literature? somehting you have a genuine or plausible interest in where there are LOTS of females 18-24!!
Often these wee kenivuing netowkrinkers are somewhat erm, plane johns. Wee skinny, ginger guys and cheeky chappies who c oucl never be alpha males. You as somewhat better looking maybe, like I was, are a big threat. At Uni no2 time I fell into this...the wee sneakyt guys were hearding the girls up into basket ball matches and a squash ladder. They knew they were both transparent and inadequate !!! So I had to force myself in a little. Anyway the wee home boys rearley came out for serious beers and pulling opp's away from the pack mentality. The long ball, is one to be avoided in my books.
These wee networks and contacts you make as a young gamma male can come back to pleasantly haunt you later...I've had some great pulls from previous hang-outs...once or twice I even didn't realise who they were until the penny dropped. Usually they were very attractive! Ones who seemed unreceptive at uni. With their own mid twenties thing and away from the pack THEY were the alpha types hunting me down!
The next thing is the mother hen - she is a golden figure in the eyes of one of my mates who always seem to end up with them fancying him and him 'back paddle, back paddle' without a score to add to the doors. You need to be careful on that account.
Personally I find them a little bit "date fixing" and the force-ness of it means I walk away from the pressure....but I have had good "references" from mother hens and could have exploited them further. Finally on the weary side, avoid men-hens...mother hens who nurture blokes more than girls or those who always gather girls less attractive than they are...these two are very obvious....
but a proper mother hen will have the following- a high DI personality with an established social position amongst the girls, and an ever expanding little network of girls of most types, perhaps a bias to good looking ones. Most of all they will have some long-suffering boy friend who puts up with all their crap and flirting with you and others!
The man friend is important, not completely necessary, but it avoids the discomfort of telling the (often) chubby that you don't facny her...or worse you jump her bones in a drunken fit of lust...then all those lovely fruits ripening on the vines are lost to you. Shagging a nymphomaniac mother hen with OMO can be a good thing though- you can get a favourable reference !
Flirt like hell with her, play the 'poor lost boy' , play shy, play complicated, play not lookign right now, play hard to get! damn it get on the subject of relationships and why you don't have one and remmeber to posture. Spread it out and talk about 3rd parties with their nice or turmultuous relationships. She's a pal and an agony aunt and loves hearing about you and talking about other people. Watch her claws--- stay on side!!!
Next . don't have shuttle diplomacy...establish interest and then use the other "rules", splitting the suggested target off from the pack for the Kill. Rather Use mother hen to manipulate general "bumpings into", party invites or common interest ( see below) events....
Mopst of all Give feedback to mother hen - Talk only positively ... she will be wanting feedback from both sides in her High "D" yet super friendly way..don't cut her out...Uni relationships probably last two months on average with the usual two week blow out..so keep in with mother hen and reinforce it all if you like the girl... also if it is not so mutual, good old mamma cluck will put it to you lightly that it ain't going anywhere as she will have heard back from the other side...
and if it is just a fling or there is an "imcompatibility in desires" then let it blow over before coming back to the golden goose for more eggs.
6) Walk on by....Learn to Woman Whisper
a) like horse whispering
b) what you do off ball- jealousy that counts
woman whispering is a subtle art I stumbled on by pure accident of my somewhat awkward approach to life. Contrary to all my ideas and what patter merchants will tell you, it is what you DONT' say or do and your BODY language which gets the best pulls.
the best pulls are the hard ones or the out of the blue ones.
Believe ALL the time you are going to whisper this woman and if you can't she never can be broken in!
Women like persistance without annoyance...they admire self confidence and will warm to a fairly aggressive bit of horse whispering
It's not natural to me but it is like going under the surface...imagine the disco is a swimming pool and you pop your head under a waist high sruface to get away from the noise and swim amongst the legs...you find instead little trolls sending secret communications to each other! It's the subconsious at work.
In essence it means coming towards the woman, catching her attention, and then backing away..coming back in and if she bolts, going back tofar away. Then come in parallel. Start to match body language, achieve eye contact then face a little away, move your body in towards her only slowly. It means being slightly aggressive at key points, and then assertive of yourself at others until enbough phermone and alcohol has flown between the two of you to go for the kill.
ItAs an example I had a mnate who would get in girls faces after a few drinks and then push them away! he would crack the whip a little and then just walk away...he "knew" that he would pull later on. It was 90% image, posturing and woman whispering and only 10% charm and patter!
Humour is the final part- once you have them walking along with you in terms of parrallel body language then you can come in with humour to seal the deal. Young women it seems have issues discriminating between a good laugh and falling in love- both eliciting similar rush and relaxation of sexual inhibitions.
b) the best head and pussy to suck I ever had was a wee quiet shy one with lesbian tendencies. How on earth did I ever get that? My usual type are extrovert and not as fit in the body department as the BOBWFOCW i did ...whats better it was a one nighter for her too! Well it was the jealousy card. She had show a little interest in me over the beer table, but her shyness held her back and I thought she was no longer interested. Infact I think I had come back on to her after a couple more beers and she had pushed me away, rather aggressivly. SO I flicked right over to target number 2 for the night, her pal Valerie- an eqaully large breasted stranraer lass, but with a better boat race if not tush. Now valerie either was not interested or had a wee chat with the lush bodied one and hey presto I started getting signs...her body moved towards me...a shared taxi home became the perfect "away from pack " lair to snog and then to my surprise, while under a table on the carpet she popped it in the mouth and proceeded to do the golf ball-hose thing for at least half an hour! in the end I probably filled her mouth and then she soon wanted me to leave!
So jealousy works wonders if you have been getting no where. It is a call to action! like all woman whispering it is sub conscious. I t is a powerful motivator which can be enough to tip a non -interested girl into a writing mass of wet pussy on top of you later that night. It means doing somehting completely the opposite of chatting a bird up- chatting her mates up or even a pal. As with snowballing, you may have a pal who happens to be drop-dead-shaggable woman or man, and they can be an "in" on the jealousy trick.
7) the disco is the worst place
iotthe usual kev meets shazza is a psiss poor hunting ground for the intelligent. It is only to be used during bouts of snowballing or as part of the networking effort to secure a few more contacts for future reference.
Clubs with a theme can be better- rock bars or say some goth site. Best of all are small concerts or music venues . Stand towards the back where the crowd just starts to dissapate, In the dark, move about looking for a kill or just stand about in different places seeing who comes to be near you!
OPaparties are good too, where the last ten minute rule seems to reign.
trendy or studenty pubs can be good if you can whisper or are on a rampant snowball! ( see below)
dark, noisy discos at the weekend with no chill out area are the worst. Thurdsya s can be a bit lush though- EARLY in term, in the summer or Xmas or JUST AFTER exams. People i.e students, are basically late night drinking with their pals and the whole pull-pressure thing isn't there. Sharp dressed kev and shaz or Chas and Camilla clubs are no place for a student on a budget Saturday night. Leave brasingaments until much later in life when you have some wad!!!!!!!!!!!
8) snowballing
this is an extension to networking but in a far more random and opportunistic fashion- hence it's own wee section....
snowballing works in several ways. What is it? well it means every positive "bump with the enemy" is followed up while at Uni. You ask them for a coffee, you find out where they hang out and "stalk right into them", you arrange a date!
She porbably isn't your cup of tea or maybe you know she has a man or you believe she is out of your league....the point is
a) you build confidence with the usually frail 'initialities' and bring them down to rather objective friend-making conversations
b) you never know who you will meet THROUGH that person
Snowballing is more of a feeling , a theme than a practice of building contacts and 'grooming' like netowrkiing and using mother hens. It means being on a social- roll... once you get going you gather momentum until WHOOM you get where you want to be.
For instance you may arrange a date with a goth chick and go to a mad club night, where you meet another obviously non-goth looking out of place...she turns out to know a mother hen who is in the fencing club and you marry the gorgeous posh girl who's dad is selling the nappy factory....
When I was young I did snowball, and it was to my suiting , but I let morals and "standards" get in the way all too often. Your first contact may be a dug, but as long as she is there grab it, run with it and see where it takes you. It may be for instance that while you are out with your "network" that being seen with another girl ....girls are more comfortable if YOU are overtly at ease and in contact with other females of the species or sub species!
SNowablling is also taking advantage of your rather self-satisfactory streak as a young man....it means beign ruthless and rolling from one scene on to another in a completely opportunistic, go with the flow way. At uni there is enough social stimulus about that you can just drift away from your first point of contact without too much fuss.
I've even heard stories baoiyt guys who pulled at a party, sealed a deal with one and then while taking a lift home, popped into a disco for a slice of the action. Or onthe seedy side, were walkign past an alley saw a Tom and decided to get a blow for a tenner, before going on to score with a the tennis club captain, all twee and bearden-mairnsie accent and pigtails and real tan from tuscan holidays! . On a roll these two different guys just kept on rolling!
It's all about eating up experiences as a chain which inevitably takes you infront of good old fashioned, tasty pussy. In Scotalnd they were pretty thin on the ground and althought ere were some Mearnsie / bearsden 'clusters' in general you were as likely to meet them thorugh the post man as anywhere!
10) going for the kill- pillow whispering-
really women whispering is all about getting over the initialities. If you combine networking, snowballing and whispering then you will earn enough 'initialities' to have entertained yourself with some new freindships, potential partners and a dose of casual sex.
What do you do when you have them eating out of your hand?
Well you want to go for the kill don't you? If you wanted to erm, pussy-foot about then you wouldn't have read this far. You want to sink the beef bayonet, drive the train int he tuna tunnel, become the beast of two backs....
I was not very good a t all the above list of tips one to so far,- my young looks,tall- slim build, cycling tan ,. odd lcothes and taste in music got me into enough situations....it was very "our" time ...a great time to be a student and forget about all the normal normans and their latest NExt clothes.
What I was apparenlty pretty good at and maintained it over the years was going in for the kill. Rarely did I get fully KB'ed - and those I coudl just let go.
It's all about pheromones and body language and not pissing about too much. The wee bits we have in our groins have an attention span of about a half hour to an hour of fumbling before the moment is completely lost.
Timing----timing! You have to make them feel safe, but a little dangerous. Wanted but maybe you could just walk away!
Avoid frustration...watch the body language.. is there kneeeing going on? can you feel the pheromones from her lips and pussy? Relax, smell her, open your whetted lips, blow subtly. Touch her on the leg, move closer, talk into her ear , kiss down her kneck. Is she warm? When she kisses is it lush and warm? Or just a drunken death wish?
Remember the pussy is the prize, but you have to admire and climb the whole mountain to get there. Start firmnly in the foot\hills.
Eye-contact- breathing
Feeling pheromones, letting yours come over
Ear talk, kissing neck
Kissing
Feeloing neck,
arm around shoulder, man grasp!
Sliding down the back
Over the bum
Back to the neck and concentrate on HER face
Moving knee into crotch (maybe, but hold Back!)
Now here comes the reverse psychology. The safe but dangerous.
If still in dark of disco you need to progress the deal . (If it is hands all over you and like, er, yes green lights, then it's a cheesy " skip into something more comfortable like, erm yo))u")
But relax a minute too! If she isn't blind drunk or eyes shut going through the motions ( which can go all the way anyway) then all this pheramonal activity and passion is going to take you somewhere anyway! Maybe not tonight. But the one thing you want to avoid is the two hour fumble sess' followed by the all-passions-spent . From Alpha male you are now a "nice guy" a bit needy and in need to going the fuck home! I've been there several times. Usually with slightly awkward, very good looking birds. You need to keep them ont he edge more and not let them fall over into clittoral numbness. Kirsten and that bird from Kinross...drop dead nine or even tens! and I just hungaroud in the gold fish manoevre too long- gulping on a dead atmosphere of worn out lips and wet nickers which now make her feell soiled!
so now comes all the reverse psychology- you need to now get away from her.. the danger for her is the loss of opportunity...you are a bit flightly maybe...you are a catch which is not in the net ...hooked but running hte line.
The simplest is that it's time to crash out or mayeb you have a party you'd be at...the pretense is you are goign to up and go...but of course she will ask to come or just follow. " time to crash out, or chill with some soft drinks or a coffee" " wander home" " organise a taxi for you" " i need to get up early, can I walk you home though"
Then remember you are either going to snog luistly in the cab and rush in side to get sexual or you are going to take it easy. Reverse the roles " ytour flat mates might hear us" if she asks for condoms say " Oh, I don't think we're going that far while then rubbing her wet'un. All the time you are a little dangerous...you could walk away or loose interest.
If you have a lush appartment , make sure you have guest towels and maybe a clean bathrobe. If you live in a pit, get some more drink in her and go to her place or leave the lights off. Most things can be blamed on alcohol as the excuse. You both are actuall sober enough, but another wee cocktail or wine at the party nachtspeil or apparrtment can be enough to ensure thatr the first night or one nioght eff you see kay, can be excuscused away by her to her flatmates or pals.
Then get back into the lust warm up. Remember it is a fifteen minute to half hour affair to get the motor hot again. More is usyualy a wastye of both your time. But some girls missed out on this when they were dowdy, plump or shy teenagers and feel theneeed for a two hour snog and fumble session. If it goes over but she is still hot, then more reverse pshcycology " i had better go though" " better not stay over , what woudl the neighobours say" etc.
SO you now probably have the motor on, and if you get to play with the tuna turban, then you are likely in there, and once again, shorter than you think. Play with the niblly button, go down on her, but get in there. Be rubbered up .
but, what if there is reluctance. Now here is the real trick. If you have got this far and the siogns are all there then in fact she is pretty hot and up for some but worried about contraception, being too 'loose' , being able to enjoy it without spweing up all that booze or maybe she is a virgin and just not sure. SO now you move it to your wee , safe joystick. Now it may take quite a few attempts but you should get her hands on it first through cloth and then out in the real world. Washing it upon arrival at an opportune toilet visit can not only put you in the good books but a BJ may ensue. Otr make her wash it, turn it into a little game. She is in control and her chasitity belt is locked up. What can you loose? All those bloody teenage fumbles adn "did you get your fingers" I mean, persent them ewith the bayonet under safe conditions! let them drive! Are they interested in pleasing you?
Now getting up and going is a bit dependent on what you both feel like. If it is all abit nicey-lovey dovey, then DO stay. If you know she is a nice girl then this is it- build upon it. If however there are any 'bored' signals, get the hell out of there. After coming men fall aslpeep and women sit ehtere somking and feeling guilty and intruded upon. Little boy nice can be quite surprised at sex kitten's brush off post coitus.
epitaph
Now I lay thee, oh shagging days of promiscuity, back me.
today I am in middle age. I am a bit over wieght- enough to be over the line , and also have bad dress sense. I've had the eye from maybe two or three birds in the last two or three years. I have a puss I have to cajole into start mode, fun though it is, it's not a hunt and she never takes the initiative. . I live in a country of drop dead gorgeous women and they all ignore me...it seems...then again I am not on the prowl and not doiong any of the above. I'm just a dangerous old guy!
I kind of knew a lot of the above but like much of experience, it was at absorded at the exact point AFTEr i most needed it. In the blink of an eye, uni was over and first job and Uni again for the comeback year. My only real regret is not to maybe have been a bit more fussy with the ones who lasted and at some point cut a few of the esthers and jane rosses loose. However after this I had a lovely spell of Alpha maleness which I would have exploited more on retrospect! But these regrets are not so bad when I see some of the low score cards and growlers my mates go out with.
So young man
" i wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger....I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger"
Si les jeunnes...... if the young had the savez and the old had the body....
Okay here si some advice to the budding hetero about to start college, university or maybe a huge company with a lot of females staff.
To whom has the odd issue with approaching and approachability and is seeking a nice variety to spice up life before settling down later...much later
Uni or college in particular is the ripest period because for one there are a lot of women at most and two they at least have somethings in common- at least average IQ, middle class (or ambition that way) , non drop out . If you can't lose it- and get "it" regular at Uni then you probably never will.
The first thing you have to decide is whether you are most Gamma Male or mostly Alpha male. Maybe it swings with your moods, but both are just as easy to pull with...and use the same techniques in only subtly different approaches.
Also you have to decide what you want? I wanted wee indie chicks or anything that was going really. I didn't like proto yuppies or overtly goth or trendies or rich girls. Do you want a life long partner or just like me, erm... plenty booty!!
Be ready to walk away...if they are in your year then you have four to five years plus the extended social post uni circle that may come...so a shy, immature 19 year old could grow into a ripe one only when she is in her late twenties or even early thirties..It may be that at that time they just weren't ready to be as "adventurous" as you i.e meat and two veg, condoms and no blow jobs....think about the mother-hen, network and snowballing ideas.
On the other hand be ruthless- it the tame wee chemistry student you can easily avoid wants to give you drunken-head then bloody encourage her! Standards are there for long term things, not short term bum-fun. However standards need to be built up towards so that you are comfortable with hunting "big game" later in life.
Here are some of the golden rules
1) the last ten minutes of the night and the que for the chippy / bus / taxi are the most fruitful
this is something I never really learnt...the club night was over, there was no score, it is time to go to bed....well yes, with someone else!
The rest of the night should be spent posturing ( see below) whereas the very last few minutes of the dance or the way home via fast food or taxi rank are the most prodigous WHY?
because this is when the prey is at it's very most vulnerable. All night they have been on the defensive- eyeing people up and keeping in their comfort zone by being hyper judgemental or turnign down a few advances. BUT now the boot is on the other foot....they have not had any attention which is going anywhere..they have 'failed to pull'....also now they split away from the pack ( see below)
also the alcohol level is still rising while the inhibitions are falling and the idea of a warm body to cling to is more appealing.
Outside the disco they will be in smaller mini packs or even alone. Then it is easier to make one to one contact and also queing has a natural tendency to break barriers.
2) split them off from the pack
this is the one technique which all guys must learn- get them away from both their wee pack and MORE importantly, your pack!!!! Your new univeristy mates suddenly become sharks tasting blood and will elbow you, the one who 'pulled', out the way. Unless you are a star, never be a fisherman for your mates...let them do that for you ( in suprrisng ways)
a good variation on this theme is foriegners and this exmplifies the rule- why? Well women don't like to be seen as 'slack', sluttish, teasing or flirtatious in front of their social peer group. However foreign exchange stuidents knwo they will only take a couple of pals with them and don't give a shit about what the 'peers' think! They are adventourous enought to study abroad- and boy! are they adventourous. They are prepared to try out the usual prizes a guyt looks for much more readily or even dabble in threesomes. No reputation to live down you see! they go home with a clean sheet and some of theri curiosusity and nymphomania cured. You can afford to have a far more aggressive pursuit of them, in the knowledge they are more adventouroous and also seekign initnamte company in the foriegn land
3) never look like you are on the pull...posture posture!
Posturing takes different forms, the best relating to networking as discussed later....it means making yourselves look like you are not on the pull...you are going to swim in with the fin on the surface later on at the end of the night of course! You want to look like you are all having a good time together
you are most likely to pull when you least have intention! why? well you may not have noticed but someone has been looking at you, there having fun, relaxed , avoiding eye contact outside people you can actually interact with.
Another posture is the humour one- dicking around with some girls as you come into proximity. Best done as a kind of double act or just yourself on the edges. If you are a natural clown then you can lead a whole group-group introduction...this blogg is not written for clowns though! Clowns tend to be rather sad at the end of the day anyway.
Macho posturing is good for those trips to Sharon-Tracy Land .ie. trashy city discos outside the uni environ's. Tracy is looking for a Himbo, while Sharon is looking for a Hunk. nothing sophisticated but a bit of swaggering, keeping a little distance and a bit of winding up of girls who look ridiculous. Dress accordingly...which brings me to.....
4) Dress well, spend some time on yourself and find a look...
I don't mean go out in a suit and tie...dress to your social circle and dress to your natural Gamma or Alpha--- which is either "one of the gang" with the latest trend which fits in, or " the lone ranger" with something a little alternative, daring or cutting edge fashion.
Or just some clothes and a look which you REALLY suit.
In fact though, being a bit zany at Uni always gets attention... you could go out in a Gorrilla suit and be more likely to pull a fitty than in the latest Next gear
Girls need a good excuse to talk to you and clothes or appearance is used accordingly- either the 'twee' we fit in ( yawn, fashion) or the "my, my you are a bit different" approaches.
don't wear glasses unless they are special and add something to you. 'Contacts' are far better for selling yourself while posturing and musch better for say a wet walk home from Queens in belfast. They just lend themselves to eye contact.
5) Networking, and mother hens ( see snowballing below also)
Ever wonder how some guys seem to always get gorgeousy girls? Just a succession of lady young lovely! Think it is just luck, chat and good looks? wrong! it is calculated networking....
At a commuter belt Uni like glasgow, a good number of students will come with a little social network from school and usually the tennis club is their happiest hunting ground for getting into a network ( as well as seeing the skin before they buy!!)
These contacts withion the wider network are all carefully nurtured with potential scores or partners "groomed" over a matter of months or even years! If you have guys as pals or class / sports acquiantances who are in one of these circles, use the hell out of them and don't let them side line you. They can get pretty nippy when you are all over one of their groomed brides..so be subtle...get into networking with the GIRLS....these guys will never set you up with out some ulterior motive and are more likely to just try and cut you off if you are seen as a lone-shark using them. Remember get away from the packs, and get into the lady network somehow or just hang out waiting for to pick out. It can be worth offering a couple of class contacts if you like, as a potential network of your own as a sacrificial lamb to keep the guys who have their fingers int he pies interested in you and mayeb playing the game.
If you become a confidant then you may get in on the whole game. Like the masons, potential contracts are discussed with hushed voiced behind closed doors....
Alternatively the Uni may be a live away dormitory place where these new circles are very much forming. If you want pretty girls then go to the circles they are available through- is it theatre (mostly dogs or huge egos if they are pretty) ? Is it tennis? Martial arts? Fecning ?Horse Riding? Literature? somehting you have a genuine or plausible interest in where there are LOTS of females 18-24!!
Often these wee kenivuing netowkrinkers are somewhat erm, plane johns. Wee skinny, ginger guys and cheeky chappies who c oucl never be alpha males. You as somewhat better looking maybe, like I was, are a big threat. At Uni no2 time I fell into this...the wee sneakyt guys were hearding the girls up into basket ball matches and a squash ladder. They knew they were both transparent and inadequate !!! So I had to force myself in a little. Anyway the wee home boys rearley came out for serious beers and pulling opp's away from the pack mentality. The long ball, is one to be avoided in my books.
These wee networks and contacts you make as a young gamma male can come back to pleasantly haunt you later...I've had some great pulls from previous hang-outs...once or twice I even didn't realise who they were until the penny dropped. Usually they were very attractive! Ones who seemed unreceptive at uni. With their own mid twenties thing and away from the pack THEY were the alpha types hunting me down!
The next thing is the mother hen - she is a golden figure in the eyes of one of my mates who always seem to end up with them fancying him and him 'back paddle, back paddle' without a score to add to the doors. You need to be careful on that account.
Personally I find them a little bit "date fixing" and the force-ness of it means I walk away from the pressure....but I have had good "references" from mother hens and could have exploited them further. Finally on the weary side, avoid men-hens...mother hens who nurture blokes more than girls or those who always gather girls less attractive than they are...these two are very obvious....
but a proper mother hen will have the following- a high DI personality with an established social position amongst the girls, and an ever expanding little network of girls of most types, perhaps a bias to good looking ones. Most of all they will have some long-suffering boy friend who puts up with all their crap and flirting with you and others!
The man friend is important, not completely necessary, but it avoids the discomfort of telling the (often) chubby that you don't facny her...or worse you jump her bones in a drunken fit of lust...then all those lovely fruits ripening on the vines are lost to you. Shagging a nymphomaniac mother hen with OMO can be a good thing though- you can get a favourable reference !
Flirt like hell with her, play the 'poor lost boy' , play shy, play complicated, play not lookign right now, play hard to get! damn it get on the subject of relationships and why you don't have one and remmeber to posture. Spread it out and talk about 3rd parties with their nice or turmultuous relationships. She's a pal and an agony aunt and loves hearing about you and talking about other people. Watch her claws--- stay on side!!!
Next . don't have shuttle diplomacy...establish interest and then use the other "rules", splitting the suggested target off from the pack for the Kill. Rather Use mother hen to manipulate general "bumpings into", party invites or common interest ( see below) events....
Mopst of all Give feedback to mother hen - Talk only positively ... she will be wanting feedback from both sides in her High "D" yet super friendly way..don't cut her out...Uni relationships probably last two months on average with the usual two week blow out..so keep in with mother hen and reinforce it all if you like the girl... also if it is not so mutual, good old mamma cluck will put it to you lightly that it ain't going anywhere as she will have heard back from the other side...
and if it is just a fling or there is an "imcompatibility in desires" then let it blow over before coming back to the golden goose for more eggs.
6) Walk on by....Learn to Woman Whisper
a) like horse whispering
b) what you do off ball- jealousy that counts
woman whispering is a subtle art I stumbled on by pure accident of my somewhat awkward approach to life. Contrary to all my ideas and what patter merchants will tell you, it is what you DONT' say or do and your BODY language which gets the best pulls.
the best pulls are the hard ones or the out of the blue ones.
Believe ALL the time you are going to whisper this woman and if you can't she never can be broken in!
Women like persistance without annoyance...they admire self confidence and will warm to a fairly aggressive bit of horse whispering
It's not natural to me but it is like going under the surface...imagine the disco is a swimming pool and you pop your head under a waist high sruface to get away from the noise and swim amongst the legs...you find instead little trolls sending secret communications to each other! It's the subconsious at work.
In essence it means coming towards the woman, catching her attention, and then backing away..coming back in and if she bolts, going back tofar away. Then come in parallel. Start to match body language, achieve eye contact then face a little away, move your body in towards her only slowly. It means being slightly aggressive at key points, and then assertive of yourself at others until enbough phermone and alcohol has flown between the two of you to go for the kill.
ItAs an example I had a mnate who would get in girls faces after a few drinks and then push them away! he would crack the whip a little and then just walk away...he "knew" that he would pull later on. It was 90% image, posturing and woman whispering and only 10% charm and patter!
Humour is the final part- once you have them walking along with you in terms of parrallel body language then you can come in with humour to seal the deal. Young women it seems have issues discriminating between a good laugh and falling in love- both eliciting similar rush and relaxation of sexual inhibitions.
b) the best head and pussy to suck I ever had was a wee quiet shy one with lesbian tendencies. How on earth did I ever get that? My usual type are extrovert and not as fit in the body department as the BOBWFOCW i did ...whats better it was a one nighter for her too! Well it was the jealousy card. She had show a little interest in me over the beer table, but her shyness held her back and I thought she was no longer interested. Infact I think I had come back on to her after a couple more beers and she had pushed me away, rather aggressivly. SO I flicked right over to target number 2 for the night, her pal Valerie- an eqaully large breasted stranraer lass, but with a better boat race if not tush. Now valerie either was not interested or had a wee chat with the lush bodied one and hey presto I started getting signs...her body moved towards me...a shared taxi home became the perfect "away from pack " lair to snog and then to my surprise, while under a table on the carpet she popped it in the mouth and proceeded to do the golf ball-hose thing for at least half an hour! in the end I probably filled her mouth and then she soon wanted me to leave!
So jealousy works wonders if you have been getting no where. It is a call to action! like all woman whispering it is sub conscious. I t is a powerful motivator which can be enough to tip a non -interested girl into a writing mass of wet pussy on top of you later that night. It means doing somehting completely the opposite of chatting a bird up- chatting her mates up or even a pal. As with snowballing, you may have a pal who happens to be drop-dead-shaggable woman or man, and they can be an "in" on the jealousy trick.
7) the disco is the worst place
iotthe usual kev meets shazza is a psiss poor hunting ground for the intelligent. It is only to be used during bouts of snowballing or as part of the networking effort to secure a few more contacts for future reference.
Clubs with a theme can be better- rock bars or say some goth site. Best of all are small concerts or music venues . Stand towards the back where the crowd just starts to dissapate, In the dark, move about looking for a kill or just stand about in different places seeing who comes to be near you!
OPaparties are good too, where the last ten minute rule seems to reign.
trendy or studenty pubs can be good if you can whisper or are on a rampant snowball! ( see below)
dark, noisy discos at the weekend with no chill out area are the worst. Thurdsya s can be a bit lush though- EARLY in term, in the summer or Xmas or JUST AFTER exams. People i.e students, are basically late night drinking with their pals and the whole pull-pressure thing isn't there. Sharp dressed kev and shaz or Chas and Camilla clubs are no place for a student on a budget Saturday night. Leave brasingaments until much later in life when you have some wad!!!!!!!!!!!
8) snowballing
this is an extension to networking but in a far more random and opportunistic fashion- hence it's own wee section....
snowballing works in several ways. What is it? well it means every positive "bump with the enemy" is followed up while at Uni. You ask them for a coffee, you find out where they hang out and "stalk right into them", you arrange a date!
She porbably isn't your cup of tea or maybe you know she has a man or you believe she is out of your league....the point is
a) you build confidence with the usually frail 'initialities' and bring them down to rather objective friend-making conversations
b) you never know who you will meet THROUGH that person
Snowballing is more of a feeling , a theme than a practice of building contacts and 'grooming' like netowrkiing and using mother hens. It means being on a social- roll... once you get going you gather momentum until WHOOM you get where you want to be.
For instance you may arrange a date with a goth chick and go to a mad club night, where you meet another obviously non-goth looking out of place...she turns out to know a mother hen who is in the fencing club and you marry the gorgeous posh girl who's dad is selling the nappy factory....
When I was young I did snowball, and it was to my suiting , but I let morals and "standards" get in the way all too often. Your first contact may be a dug, but as long as she is there grab it, run with it and see where it takes you. It may be for instance that while you are out with your "network" that being seen with another girl ....girls are more comfortable if YOU are overtly at ease and in contact with other females of the species or sub species!
SNowablling is also taking advantage of your rather self-satisfactory streak as a young man....it means beign ruthless and rolling from one scene on to another in a completely opportunistic, go with the flow way. At uni there is enough social stimulus about that you can just drift away from your first point of contact without too much fuss.
I've even heard stories baoiyt guys who pulled at a party, sealed a deal with one and then while taking a lift home, popped into a disco for a slice of the action. Or onthe seedy side, were walkign past an alley saw a Tom and decided to get a blow for a tenner, before going on to score with a the tennis club captain, all twee and bearden-mairnsie accent and pigtails and real tan from tuscan holidays! . On a roll these two different guys just kept on rolling!
It's all about eating up experiences as a chain which inevitably takes you infront of good old fashioned, tasty pussy. In Scotalnd they were pretty thin on the ground and althought ere were some Mearnsie / bearsden 'clusters' in general you were as likely to meet them thorugh the post man as anywhere!
10) going for the kill- pillow whispering-
really women whispering is all about getting over the initialities. If you combine networking, snowballing and whispering then you will earn enough 'initialities' to have entertained yourself with some new freindships, potential partners and a dose of casual sex.
What do you do when you have them eating out of your hand?
Well you want to go for the kill don't you? If you wanted to erm, pussy-foot about then you wouldn't have read this far. You want to sink the beef bayonet, drive the train int he tuna tunnel, become the beast of two backs....
I was not very good a t all the above list of tips one to so far,- my young looks,tall- slim build, cycling tan ,. odd lcothes and taste in music got me into enough situations....it was very "our" time ...a great time to be a student and forget about all the normal normans and their latest NExt clothes.
What I was apparenlty pretty good at and maintained it over the years was going in for the kill. Rarely did I get fully KB'ed - and those I coudl just let go.
It's all about pheromones and body language and not pissing about too much. The wee bits we have in our groins have an attention span of about a half hour to an hour of fumbling before the moment is completely lost.
Timing----timing! You have to make them feel safe, but a little dangerous. Wanted but maybe you could just walk away!
Avoid frustration...watch the body language.. is there kneeeing going on? can you feel the pheromones from her lips and pussy? Relax, smell her, open your whetted lips, blow subtly. Touch her on the leg, move closer, talk into her ear , kiss down her kneck. Is she warm? When she kisses is it lush and warm? Or just a drunken death wish?
Remember the pussy is the prize, but you have to admire and climb the whole mountain to get there. Start firmnly in the foot\hills.
Eye-contact- breathing
Feeling pheromones, letting yours come over
Ear talk, kissing neck
Kissing
Feeloing neck,
arm around shoulder, man grasp!
Sliding down the back
Over the bum
Back to the neck and concentrate on HER face
Moving knee into crotch (maybe, but hold Back!)
Now here comes the reverse psychology. The safe but dangerous.
If still in dark of disco you need to progress the deal . (If it is hands all over you and like, er, yes green lights, then it's a cheesy " skip into something more comfortable like, erm yo))u")
But relax a minute too! If she isn't blind drunk or eyes shut going through the motions ( which can go all the way anyway) then all this pheramonal activity and passion is going to take you somewhere anyway! Maybe not tonight. But the one thing you want to avoid is the two hour fumble sess' followed by the all-passions-spent . From Alpha male you are now a "nice guy" a bit needy and in need to going the fuck home! I've been there several times. Usually with slightly awkward, very good looking birds. You need to keep them ont he edge more and not let them fall over into clittoral numbness. Kirsten and that bird from Kinross...drop dead nine or even tens! and I just hungaroud in the gold fish manoevre too long- gulping on a dead atmosphere of worn out lips and wet nickers which now make her feell soiled!
so now comes all the reverse psychology- you need to now get away from her.. the danger for her is the loss of opportunity...you are a bit flightly maybe...you are a catch which is not in the net ...hooked but running hte line.
The simplest is that it's time to crash out or mayeb you have a party you'd be at...the pretense is you are goign to up and go...but of course she will ask to come or just follow. " time to crash out, or chill with some soft drinks or a coffee" " wander home" " organise a taxi for you" " i need to get up early, can I walk you home though"
Then remember you are either going to snog luistly in the cab and rush in side to get sexual or you are going to take it easy. Reverse the roles " ytour flat mates might hear us" if she asks for condoms say " Oh, I don't think we're going that far while then rubbing her wet'un. All the time you are a little dangerous...you could walk away or loose interest.
If you have a lush appartment , make sure you have guest towels and maybe a clean bathrobe. If you live in a pit, get some more drink in her and go to her place or leave the lights off. Most things can be blamed on alcohol as the excuse. You both are actuall sober enough, but another wee cocktail or wine at the party nachtspeil or apparrtment can be enough to ensure thatr the first night or one nioght eff you see kay, can be excuscused away by her to her flatmates or pals.
Then get back into the lust warm up. Remember it is a fifteen minute to half hour affair to get the motor hot again. More is usyualy a wastye of both your time. But some girls missed out on this when they were dowdy, plump or shy teenagers and feel theneeed for a two hour snog and fumble session. If it goes over but she is still hot, then more reverse pshcycology " i had better go though" " better not stay over , what woudl the neighobours say" etc.
SO you now probably have the motor on, and if you get to play with the tuna turban, then you are likely in there, and once again, shorter than you think. Play with the niblly button, go down on her, but get in there. Be rubbered up .
but, what if there is reluctance. Now here is the real trick. If you have got this far and the siogns are all there then in fact she is pretty hot and up for some but worried about contraception, being too 'loose' , being able to enjoy it without spweing up all that booze or maybe she is a virgin and just not sure. SO now you move it to your wee , safe joystick. Now it may take quite a few attempts but you should get her hands on it first through cloth and then out in the real world. Washing it upon arrival at an opportune toilet visit can not only put you in the good books but a BJ may ensue. Otr make her wash it, turn it into a little game. She is in control and her chasitity belt is locked up. What can you loose? All those bloody teenage fumbles adn "did you get your fingers" I mean, persent them ewith the bayonet under safe conditions! let them drive! Are they interested in pleasing you?
Now getting up and going is a bit dependent on what you both feel like. If it is all abit nicey-lovey dovey, then DO stay. If you know she is a nice girl then this is it- build upon it. If however there are any 'bored' signals, get the hell out of there. After coming men fall aslpeep and women sit ehtere somking and feeling guilty and intruded upon. Little boy nice can be quite surprised at sex kitten's brush off post coitus.
epitaph
Now I lay thee, oh shagging days of promiscuity, back me.
today I am in middle age. I am a bit over wieght- enough to be over the line , and also have bad dress sense. I've had the eye from maybe two or three birds in the last two or three years. I have a puss I have to cajole into start mode, fun though it is, it's not a hunt and she never takes the initiative. . I live in a country of drop dead gorgeous women and they all ignore me...it seems...then again I am not on the prowl and not doiong any of the above. I'm just a dangerous old guy!
I kind of knew a lot of the above but like much of experience, it was at absorded at the exact point AFTEr i most needed it. In the blink of an eye, uni was over and first job and Uni again for the comeback year. My only real regret is not to maybe have been a bit more fussy with the ones who lasted and at some point cut a few of the esthers and jane rosses loose. However after this I had a lovely spell of Alpha maleness which I would have exploited more on retrospect! But these regrets are not so bad when I see some of the low score cards and growlers my mates go out with.
So young man
" i wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger....I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger"
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
There is some level of pish when it comes to women and their satisfactions...and of course middle aged men.
The latter resort to visits to the GP for the wee blue diamonds or procure them by illicit means. All because the lady loves the lights out...as my mate a GP put it, shove them in bed with Kylie and they'd have no bother getting it up. Just they don't fancy the wee cute chubby who turned into the middle age mammy with the rolly sides.
For younger women there is this big issue you get struck with- and maybe always about the same time point- emotionally- not in calendar months under the bridge. Few if any of my rather prodigous scores moaned one Iota about not getting enough on the wee dangler on the first night. It's only after an undecided period that they start to moan about needing more clitoral stimulation.
So you go along with it and then comes the complaints about salty hands ( even though you just came out the shower, they magically mutate into open packets of smiths crisps after 10 mins on the old squiggly napper), not the right spot, not the right direction, the wrong frequency and the wrong amplification! The tongue is too tickely, the thumb too diffuse, the forefinger stingy and the pinky too wee.
It seems this miraculous button is best manoievred by expert hands.......the owners being the best.
And this is the trouble. A bit like a guy after a dry spell, it gets over used and then reaching orgasm with a new, strange body becomes difficult. Now guys actually, given they fancy the girl are through this post oninary stage fright or "comers block" within a matter of a handful of wee knee tremblers...even in the course of one night or less likely but happens, after one seemingly ever lasting visit to the fleshy garage with the bad auto shifter.
But girls- no - it becomes a relationship long plague. It becomes one of those comments amongst many like, "put a condom on now then", "you can do it to me but don't expect THAT back", " let's do it really slowly" which make a mans eye's roll in the dark of the boudoir and his best mate shrink down to ordinary instead of supercharged dimension. " Stimulate my clitoris more".....
Why does a good few weeks or months of shaggin' come to an abrupt end with the little micro chippolata getting between a man and satisfaction all round? It's the point when the excitement has gone out it for her. Foreplay used to be a time of unexpected rubbing of crotches and writhing of thighs, of fumbling with bra straps and straining with flies. It used to happen at spontaenious unagreed times, but now the relationship is normalising with the social life and more relaxed dates making it a late evening enevitablity for her.
With the rush gone and it resigned to late nights and the odd sunday morning, she rightly feels dissatisfied. But it's only herself she is cheating. Once a guy has a regular and the novelty of another notch on the bed post is gone, then he is happy to go along with the social arrangements...faar be it from him to interupt a make-up session before a dinner party or rock concert with a quicky. The woman is in stablising, nesting and showing her catch off mode now...secure in the idea it's not just sex and not a flash in the pan.
Here is the crux of it for me. Do 'wanked out' , sorry oninary fatigued, women desserve clittoral orgasm from their partner if it's going to be so much trouble?
For years we were under the impression ( me and other shaggers) that the clittoral stim' was a mere appetiser on the route to G stim and deep vaginal orgasm. This is what girls wanted . Furthermore, we forget that in our late teens and early twenties a girl would remove your well aimed finger after a couple of minutes and pop your old man up into the tuna tunnel rather than waiting for anything further to happen in the lobby. It was up to the 12 floor pl---ease!
But it seems that a girl in her thirties or late twenties even, has had so much self stimulation that the little pink pigmy mole hill gets blown into the big black mountain of unfullfilled sex with her partner. The hand shandy is very satisfying and becomes exquisite because the delicate little dumpling is under self determination and can be held off the poiint of front-bottom buzz and taken into it at will.
The real function of the clittoris ? Probably to enhance mid bang pleasure and of course initial turn on upon oral-nasal investigation by male mammal. Something which is super-sensitive and blossoms quickly in the few delightful minutes which encapsulate a good old fuck. It is a private, secluded little island which if over visited by the sex-tourist-owner becomes spoiled. They need to start going there with all sorts of fancy equipment and spending ever more time to get the same effect. But it seems to never be the same again after a certain point in a monogamy, or perhaps never sated by a string of bedfellows
For most men in the range of what is normal, the cock on the other hand ( punny!) is equally at home in auto erotic as it is in symbiotic erotic. True it takes a little time to move into stranger mode for many, but given a partner with the right dimensions whom presents enough eye candy or fumble fancy to the bloke then it is an easy transtion from Palmella to Angela.
Men at this stage of post rush compromise a bit or resort to alcohol -tactics. They give up on the boring, mid week horizontal joggs and cut to the kill only when whetted. It is more like a first date. Maybe they even get carried away by the sight of all the flesh on show out on the town. Worse by this time they have started to think of some wnk-fantasy or yet worse allow excitement to rise only at the thought of it being one for her (sexier) friends
Do women then have the right to expect to abuse their own bodies and then demand that men compensate for this loss of climatic functionality? Should the wee button be reserved for self-stimulation and the inner grasping orgasm be the concern for partner sex?
Well, you meet a man who can utilise 10 mins fumbling, 2 minutes undressing, 3 to 5 mins fingers in the ditch of desire and 10-20 mins of the missionary - with the other half being sated then my pals you have met a happy man.
The latter resort to visits to the GP for the wee blue diamonds or procure them by illicit means. All because the lady loves the lights out...as my mate a GP put it, shove them in bed with Kylie and they'd have no bother getting it up. Just they don't fancy the wee cute chubby who turned into the middle age mammy with the rolly sides.
For younger women there is this big issue you get struck with- and maybe always about the same time point- emotionally- not in calendar months under the bridge. Few if any of my rather prodigous scores moaned one Iota about not getting enough on the wee dangler on the first night. It's only after an undecided period that they start to moan about needing more clitoral stimulation.
So you go along with it and then comes the complaints about salty hands ( even though you just came out the shower, they magically mutate into open packets of smiths crisps after 10 mins on the old squiggly napper), not the right spot, not the right direction, the wrong frequency and the wrong amplification! The tongue is too tickely, the thumb too diffuse, the forefinger stingy and the pinky too wee.
It seems this miraculous button is best manoievred by expert hands.......the owners being the best.
And this is the trouble. A bit like a guy after a dry spell, it gets over used and then reaching orgasm with a new, strange body becomes difficult. Now guys actually, given they fancy the girl are through this post oninary stage fright or "comers block" within a matter of a handful of wee knee tremblers...even in the course of one night or less likely but happens, after one seemingly ever lasting visit to the fleshy garage with the bad auto shifter.
But girls- no - it becomes a relationship long plague. It becomes one of those comments amongst many like, "put a condom on now then", "you can do it to me but don't expect THAT back", " let's do it really slowly" which make a mans eye's roll in the dark of the boudoir and his best mate shrink down to ordinary instead of supercharged dimension. " Stimulate my clitoris more".....
Why does a good few weeks or months of shaggin' come to an abrupt end with the little micro chippolata getting between a man and satisfaction all round? It's the point when the excitement has gone out it for her. Foreplay used to be a time of unexpected rubbing of crotches and writhing of thighs, of fumbling with bra straps and straining with flies. It used to happen at spontaenious unagreed times, but now the relationship is normalising with the social life and more relaxed dates making it a late evening enevitablity for her.
With the rush gone and it resigned to late nights and the odd sunday morning, she rightly feels dissatisfied. But it's only herself she is cheating. Once a guy has a regular and the novelty of another notch on the bed post is gone, then he is happy to go along with the social arrangements...faar be it from him to interupt a make-up session before a dinner party or rock concert with a quicky. The woman is in stablising, nesting and showing her catch off mode now...secure in the idea it's not just sex and not a flash in the pan.
Here is the crux of it for me. Do 'wanked out' , sorry oninary fatigued, women desserve clittoral orgasm from their partner if it's going to be so much trouble?
For years we were under the impression ( me and other shaggers) that the clittoral stim' was a mere appetiser on the route to G stim and deep vaginal orgasm. This is what girls wanted . Furthermore, we forget that in our late teens and early twenties a girl would remove your well aimed finger after a couple of minutes and pop your old man up into the tuna tunnel rather than waiting for anything further to happen in the lobby. It was up to the 12 floor pl---ease!
But it seems that a girl in her thirties or late twenties even, has had so much self stimulation that the little pink pigmy mole hill gets blown into the big black mountain of unfullfilled sex with her partner. The hand shandy is very satisfying and becomes exquisite because the delicate little dumpling is under self determination and can be held off the poiint of front-bottom buzz and taken into it at will.
The real function of the clittoris ? Probably to enhance mid bang pleasure and of course initial turn on upon oral-nasal investigation by male mammal. Something which is super-sensitive and blossoms quickly in the few delightful minutes which encapsulate a good old fuck. It is a private, secluded little island which if over visited by the sex-tourist-owner becomes spoiled. They need to start going there with all sorts of fancy equipment and spending ever more time to get the same effect. But it seems to never be the same again after a certain point in a monogamy, or perhaps never sated by a string of bedfellows
For most men in the range of what is normal, the cock on the other hand ( punny!) is equally at home in auto erotic as it is in symbiotic erotic. True it takes a little time to move into stranger mode for many, but given a partner with the right dimensions whom presents enough eye candy or fumble fancy to the bloke then it is an easy transtion from Palmella to Angela.
Men at this stage of post rush compromise a bit or resort to alcohol -tactics. They give up on the boring, mid week horizontal joggs and cut to the kill only when whetted. It is more like a first date. Maybe they even get carried away by the sight of all the flesh on show out on the town. Worse by this time they have started to think of some wnk-fantasy or yet worse allow excitement to rise only at the thought of it being one for her (sexier) friends
Do women then have the right to expect to abuse their own bodies and then demand that men compensate for this loss of climatic functionality? Should the wee button be reserved for self-stimulation and the inner grasping orgasm be the concern for partner sex?
Well, you meet a man who can utilise 10 mins fumbling, 2 minutes undressing, 3 to 5 mins fingers in the ditch of desire and 10-20 mins of the missionary - with the other half being sated then my pals you have met a happy man.
Friday, June 01, 2007
how the fck am I going to get a job then?
ok you know the 'invader' immigrant issues: you know that you have a sketchy career path but a lot of experience to offer.
first- you are going to do your spamming out to the biotech industry and you are going to follow this up with more spam, different contacts and paper mailing until you start to get replies. Then you are going to network.
In the mean time you will find jobs just for the sake of it and phone up to ask for details. Then for real jobs you will do the same for each and every one which is interesting and you will invent three or four good general questions and have a list of questions. You will leave your name and say they will have a specific application in the next few days.
After a bit of practice you will then target, in the run of june, some of the key biotech contacts and call them up
just got an interview with statoil!!!!!!!!
ok you know the 'invader' immigrant issues: you know that you have a sketchy career path but a lot of experience to offer.
first- you are going to do your spamming out to the biotech industry and you are going to follow this up with more spam, different contacts and paper mailing until you start to get replies. Then you are going to network.
In the mean time you will find jobs just for the sake of it and phone up to ask for details. Then for real jobs you will do the same for each and every one which is interesting and you will invent three or four good general questions and have a list of questions. You will leave your name and say they will have a specific application in the next few days.
After a bit of practice you will then target, in the run of june, some of the key biotech contacts and call them up
just got an interview with statoil!!!!!!!!
A really important part of growing up is learning to make decisions and making good ones.
A bit like the whole yinn-and-yang thang,
it's equally important to know what you don't want
........and also when you have made a bad choice to get the hell out asap!
I've made some good choices based on personal motivations and I have made some bad
onesbased on financial or other issues outside my own yearning just in order to satisfy some anxiety about money, status, location, personal life.
But with regards to the above yin-yang, on the dark side of the coin, I have done abismally at knowing when to say no and what choices are bad.
Furthermore, I don't bail out; i dig in!!
So good choices- first ever job, med rep, BSc, MSc, Strath Uni Trainnee,KMP, Blue,
Kris, Gill, getting into racing, dinghy kurs 1995 and 2000.
Bad choices- marblehead , union, ruadh, staying in scotland, not phoning up for jobs,
...but wait listen up...read "staying too long and not looking for something better"
and "leaving yourself exposed, not negotiating a better deal or walking away"! so
start again.. .marblehead after 6 months, ester after a year, jane ross after two
months, rajah into 1999, narry nar after she moved in with the bitches, NOT staying
long enough at McCanns! Now it's not looking for something else while in at Dynal and
not ditching the X332 earlier. ( i'm not standing for a snyde little prick worming
his way into the job I want)
The above list are nearly all things I could have done something directly or at least indirectly about- I could have looked for other options and just walked away earlier. So that is actually progress.
What is the commonality in helping me in future? ---Gut feeling----100%.
Heart not in it, nervous, just an overall emotional summation that I am not HPPTY! Think about it!
X332 , dynal in october/november, esther after the ' i love you' crap, Union up
front, staying in Alderley ( kanskje!!), archie the dick/scott ( ok, I got to work in
edibra), Narrie nar ( which is inexplicable but none-the less I had a preminission)
I also make some gross misjudgements on how "big" my part should be as larry olivier
put it on his performance in Marathon Man. Sometimes I take on more ownership and ego
than I should and other times I take on not enough- sweeping in to grab the ball
and run with it is what marketing is all about with the 'flat structure' crap that
goes on.
With people- unlike James I don't know when to slime or be hard. I use these
innappropriately. My key konflikt is that when I am around important directors I
behave innappropriately or I become nervous or "disconnected". So the Hans von
Helvete, and Kari Krogs' of this world just don't like me. I make them a little
unsure, rather than playing the square like I should.
At the heart of this is conflict aversion, and a glaring inability not to sit back,
state what I want and negotiate or be prepared to just walk away. Often I have been
in the situation where I know the boss/boat owner etc wants me to be submissive but I
have to stick my head on the line and demand a little respect instead of bending and hoping things will get better.
What I tend to do is just allow myself to be dominated by the Erlend Skagseths and
other twits I can manipulate and push back on, while I DO push back and cause
nervousness with those who are real arrogant phuckers like Hans Henck and Lars Kors.
With Ås' I have not stamped my ground in a relaxed, pre-emptive way and I have gone
with the flow for no good reason. Now I end up a little over the line with resigning
but hey, It was a first good step.
So what other steps/ corrective actions?
1) Know when to charm and suk-up a little.
Bosses are there for a reason- they are big egoed enough to want to manage other
people - sometimes in a very positive way, but power goes to the heids of the Scott
McCallums, Hans Hencks and Kari Krogs of this world.
in detail then
a) Be charming
b) less i more
c) avoid them! go through others on issues who I can influence
d) stay well below the radar (in the initial trial period
e) get above the radar on positive successes and take due glory!!!
f) once you have them, see if you can influence/get respect and then play them.
g) get into challenge management once you have achieved F)
2) knowing how to get aroudn the Hans Hencks and Lars Korsnes
very similar to 'one' above, but worth a mention in what is really a no-win situtation for
me. They are arrogant, dominant and do not relate to me as a person. They want
control and will delegate it out on top of me if I am on their radar.
a) if they will be a big part of the job, i.e. direct managers/ in your line of fire, don't take it , ie. the job-the boat-the landlord-the new "buddy"
b) use charm
c) bend in the wind if the situation has a good medium or long term
3) set goals with PEOPLE as well as with my own work tasks
I have never done this.....this could be the whole key to turning my career around.
a) stay under the radar
b) come to with solutions
c) charm the pants off
d) build a camraderie with
e) influence/ manage
f) learn about their motivation- who they are.
g) better define their expectations of me
h) flag wave and trumpet blow
.i) go through other bosses
j) H+J = go round bosses to higher people.
k) who to be very questionning with/ precise and assertive
L) on K, who to blaff off and who to obey.M) how to work round the houses fabienne style to overcome arseholes.
4) Have clearly defined how a job/situation relates to my personal motivation and
assert if it is just a stepping stone.
a) don't focus on financial rewards, focus on career goalsb) BUT do focus on costs in jobs which bring relocation or other mess ups and be
prepared to walk away.c)
5) Always, on a monthly basis at least, be looking for new jobs and go to interviews
every couple of months or so when in a position. When the bad gut feeling comes,
ALWAYS focus on new jobs EARLY. A job advisor guy said an odd thing once which only
now I understand- when you get a job after a period of unemployment, keep on looking!
the goal from 4 is to really be in a place you are happy with, even if that is just a
stepping stone or filler. If the latter cases then ensure you like the people and are
content with just going with the flow there WHILE looking for other work!!!!!!
6) don't fool around with your own snakey route/ sophistry . Don't go in 'hoping' to get somewhere you want to be by just going with the flow until it reaches crisis. Get in, charm a
bit, lay your cards on the table and be prepared to walk away, early. Get in the door
and then keep your options open, and don't do what has happened with the X332 and the
last job.
7) keep options open: one option is just to say no thanks and walk away.
Better to walk than jog when you have a long way to travel
8) nip it in the bud. Go with your gut feeling or if someting is suspicoous :::: nip
it very early in the bud- people will respect you and the sharks on the reef will
know they have to megler! Make a note of your' paranoia' , turn it into a concern,
write down some questions - leave it- then come back when you have the bosses in a
good mood with flowing 2-way conversations. PREVENTION PREVENTION is better than the
shit I am going through now.
9) learn to be assertive for the sake of being assertive: always question orders,
instructions, prices, pay, overtime: always clarify and re-clarify with open
questions: avoid prsuming the worst- be objective and gather facts
10) DON*T PRESUME THE WORST is going to happen- use 8 and 9 to prevent it!
11) avoid ambushes: play the bloody game for god sake! All the Fabiennes of this world do just that. Round the houses, clarify, avoid, object and then onløy compromise but get some concessions anyway. Practice it! Just say no!
12) avoid being fobbed off eg genoa trimming.
TRICKS
1) you are meeting the queen- act on your best behaviour, you know you can.
b) alternativley, she is the nice receptionist, not the MD!
2) be on the phone- use this to avoid people you know are after something. Be in a
meeting, on the phone, dashing out, daughter ill you name it! avoid ambushes and work
around the houses on them
3) "I'll have to think about that', thanks, can I now have a word with the boss on
another matter?- then talk about the ambush!!
4) use the phone before and after important or influential e-mails or announcements. Always go in person to follow up an e-mail request, or find a work-around-the-houses before replying.
5) catch bosses in good moods to get some committment
6) use spin selling - define the problem- posin the IMPLICATIONS -
A bit like the whole yinn-and-yang thang,
it's equally important to know what you don't want
........and also when you have made a bad choice to get the hell out asap!
I've made some good choices based on personal motivations and I have made some bad
onesbased on financial or other issues outside my own yearning just in order to satisfy some anxiety about money, status, location, personal life.
But with regards to the above yin-yang, on the dark side of the coin, I have done abismally at knowing when to say no and what choices are bad.
Furthermore, I don't bail out; i dig in!!
So good choices- first ever job, med rep, BSc, MSc, Strath Uni Trainnee,KMP, Blue,
Kris, Gill, getting into racing, dinghy kurs 1995 and 2000.
Bad choices- marblehead , union, ruadh, staying in scotland, not phoning up for jobs,
...but wait listen up...read "staying too long and not looking for something better"
and "leaving yourself exposed, not negotiating a better deal or walking away"! so
start again.. .marblehead after 6 months, ester after a year, jane ross after two
months, rajah into 1999, narry nar after she moved in with the bitches, NOT staying
long enough at McCanns! Now it's not looking for something else while in at Dynal and
not ditching the X332 earlier. ( i'm not standing for a snyde little prick worming
his way into the job I want)
The above list are nearly all things I could have done something directly or at least indirectly about- I could have looked for other options and just walked away earlier. So that is actually progress.
What is the commonality in helping me in future? ---Gut feeling----100%.
Heart not in it, nervous, just an overall emotional summation that I am not HPPTY! Think about it!
X332 , dynal in october/november, esther after the ' i love you' crap, Union up
front, staying in Alderley ( kanskje!!), archie the dick/scott ( ok, I got to work in
edibra), Narrie nar ( which is inexplicable but none-the less I had a preminission)
I also make some gross misjudgements on how "big" my part should be as larry olivier
put it on his performance in Marathon Man. Sometimes I take on more ownership and ego
than I should and other times I take on not enough- sweeping in to grab the ball
and run with it is what marketing is all about with the 'flat structure' crap that
goes on.
With people- unlike James I don't know when to slime or be hard. I use these
innappropriately. My key konflikt is that when I am around important directors I
behave innappropriately or I become nervous or "disconnected". So the Hans von
Helvete, and Kari Krogs' of this world just don't like me. I make them a little
unsure, rather than playing the square like I should.
At the heart of this is conflict aversion, and a glaring inability not to sit back,
state what I want and negotiate or be prepared to just walk away. Often I have been
in the situation where I know the boss/boat owner etc wants me to be submissive but I
have to stick my head on the line and demand a little respect instead of bending and hoping things will get better.
What I tend to do is just allow myself to be dominated by the Erlend Skagseths and
other twits I can manipulate and push back on, while I DO push back and cause
nervousness with those who are real arrogant phuckers like Hans Henck and Lars Kors.
With Ås' I have not stamped my ground in a relaxed, pre-emptive way and I have gone
with the flow for no good reason. Now I end up a little over the line with resigning
but hey, It was a first good step.
So what other steps/ corrective actions?
1) Know when to charm and suk-up a little.
Bosses are there for a reason- they are big egoed enough to want to manage other
people - sometimes in a very positive way, but power goes to the heids of the Scott
McCallums, Hans Hencks and Kari Krogs of this world.
in detail then
a) Be charming
b) less i more
c) avoid them! go through others on issues who I can influence
d) stay well below the radar (in the initial trial period
e) get above the radar on positive successes and take due glory!!!
f) once you have them, see if you can influence/get respect and then play them.
g) get into challenge management once you have achieved F)
2) knowing how to get aroudn the Hans Hencks and Lars Korsnes
very similar to 'one' above, but worth a mention in what is really a no-win situtation for
me. They are arrogant, dominant and do not relate to me as a person. They want
control and will delegate it out on top of me if I am on their radar.
a) if they will be a big part of the job, i.e. direct managers/ in your line of fire, don't take it , ie. the job-the boat-the landlord-the new "buddy"
b) use charm
c) bend in the wind if the situation has a good medium or long term
3) set goals with PEOPLE as well as with my own work tasks
I have never done this.....this could be the whole key to turning my career around.
a) stay under the radar
b) come to with solutions
c) charm the pants off
d) build a camraderie with
e) influence/ manage
f) learn about their motivation- who they are.
g) better define their expectations of me
h) flag wave and trumpet blow
.i) go through other bosses
j) H+J = go round bosses to higher people.
k) who to be very questionning with/ precise and assertive
L) on K, who to blaff off and who to obey.M) how to work round the houses fabienne style to overcome arseholes.
4) Have clearly defined how a job/situation relates to my personal motivation and
assert if it is just a stepping stone.
a) don't focus on financial rewards, focus on career goalsb) BUT do focus on costs in jobs which bring relocation or other mess ups and be
prepared to walk away.c)
5) Always, on a monthly basis at least, be looking for new jobs and go to interviews
every couple of months or so when in a position. When the bad gut feeling comes,
ALWAYS focus on new jobs EARLY. A job advisor guy said an odd thing once which only
now I understand- when you get a job after a period of unemployment, keep on looking!
the goal from 4 is to really be in a place you are happy with, even if that is just a
stepping stone or filler. If the latter cases then ensure you like the people and are
content with just going with the flow there WHILE looking for other work!!!!!!
6) don't fool around with your own snakey route/ sophistry . Don't go in 'hoping' to get somewhere you want to be by just going with the flow until it reaches crisis. Get in, charm a
bit, lay your cards on the table and be prepared to walk away, early. Get in the door
and then keep your options open, and don't do what has happened with the X332 and the
last job.
7) keep options open: one option is just to say no thanks and walk away.
Better to walk than jog when you have a long way to travel
8) nip it in the bud. Go with your gut feeling or if someting is suspicoous :::: nip
it very early in the bud- people will respect you and the sharks on the reef will
know they have to megler! Make a note of your' paranoia' , turn it into a concern,
write down some questions - leave it- then come back when you have the bosses in a
good mood with flowing 2-way conversations. PREVENTION PREVENTION is better than the
shit I am going through now.
9) learn to be assertive for the sake of being assertive: always question orders,
instructions, prices, pay, overtime: always clarify and re-clarify with open
questions: avoid prsuming the worst- be objective and gather facts
10) DON*T PRESUME THE WORST is going to happen- use 8 and 9 to prevent it!
11) avoid ambushes: play the bloody game for god sake! All the Fabiennes of this world do just that. Round the houses, clarify, avoid, object and then onløy compromise but get some concessions anyway. Practice it! Just say no!
12) avoid being fobbed off eg genoa trimming.
TRICKS
1) you are meeting the queen- act on your best behaviour, you know you can.
b) alternativley, she is the nice receptionist, not the MD!
2) be on the phone- use this to avoid people you know are after something. Be in a
meeting, on the phone, dashing out, daughter ill you name it! avoid ambushes and work
around the houses on them
3) "I'll have to think about that', thanks, can I now have a word with the boss on
another matter?- then talk about the ambush!!
4) use the phone before and after important or influential e-mails or announcements. Always go in person to follow up an e-mail request, or find a work-around-the-houses before replying.
5) catch bosses in good moods to get some committment
6) use spin selling - define the problem- posin the IMPLICATIONS -
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