A really important part of growing up is learning to make decisions and making good ones.
A bit like the whole yinn-and-yang thang,
it's equally important to know what you don't want
........and also when you have made a bad choice to get the hell out asap!
I've made some good choices based on personal motivations and I have made some bad
onesbased on financial or other issues outside my own yearning just in order to satisfy some anxiety about money, status, location, personal life.
But with regards to the above yin-yang, on the dark side of the coin, I have done abismally at knowing when to say no and what choices are bad.
Furthermore, I don't bail out; i dig in!!
So good choices- first ever job, med rep, BSc, MSc, Strath Uni Trainnee,KMP, Blue,
Kris, Gill, getting into racing, dinghy kurs 1995 and 2000.
Bad choices- marblehead , union, ruadh, staying in scotland, not phoning up for jobs,
...but wait listen up...read "staying too long and not looking for something better"
and "leaving yourself exposed, not negotiating a better deal or walking away"! so
start again.. .marblehead after 6 months, ester after a year, jane ross after two
months, rajah into 1999, narry nar after she moved in with the bitches, NOT staying
long enough at McCanns! Now it's not looking for something else while in at Dynal and
not ditching the X332 earlier. ( i'm not standing for a snyde little prick worming
his way into the job I want)
The above list are nearly all things I could have done something directly or at least indirectly about- I could have looked for other options and just walked away earlier. So that is actually progress.
What is the commonality in helping me in future? ---Gut feeling----100%.
Heart not in it, nervous, just an overall emotional summation that I am not HPPTY! Think about it!
X332 , dynal in october/november, esther after the ' i love you' crap, Union up
front, staying in Alderley ( kanskje!!), archie the dick/scott ( ok, I got to work in
edibra), Narrie nar ( which is inexplicable but none-the less I had a preminission)
I also make some gross misjudgements on how "big" my part should be as larry olivier
put it on his performance in Marathon Man. Sometimes I take on more ownership and ego
than I should and other times I take on not enough- sweeping in to grab the ball
and run with it is what marketing is all about with the 'flat structure' crap that
With people- unlike James I don't know when to slime or be hard. I use these
innappropriately. My key konflikt is that when I am around important directors I
behave innappropriately or I become nervous or "disconnected". So the Hans von
Helvete, and Kari Krogs' of this world just don't like me. I make them a little
unsure, rather than playing the square like I should.
At the heart of this is conflict aversion, and a glaring inability not to sit back,
state what I want and negotiate or be prepared to just walk away. Often I have been
in the situation where I know the boss/boat owner etc wants me to be submissive but I
have to stick my head on the line and demand a little respect instead of bending and hoping things will get better.
What I tend to do is just allow myself to be dominated by the Erlend Skagseths and
other twits I can manipulate and push back on, while I DO push back and cause
nervousness with those who are real arrogant phuckers like Hans Henck and Lars Kors.
With Ås' I have not stamped my ground in a relaxed, pre-emptive way and I have gone
with the flow for no good reason. Now I end up a little over the line with resigning
but hey, It was a first good step.
So what other steps/ corrective actions?
1) Know when to charm and suk-up a little.
Bosses are there for a reason- they are big egoed enough to want to manage other
people - sometimes in a very positive way, but power goes to the heids of the Scott
McCallums, Hans Hencks and Kari Krogs of this world.
in detail then
a) Be charming
b) less i more
c) avoid them! go through others on issues who I can influence
d) stay well below the radar (in the initial trial period
e) get above the radar on positive successes and take due glory!!!
f) once you have them, see if you can influence/get respect and then play them.
g) get into challenge management once you have achieved F)
2) knowing how to get aroudn the Hans Hencks and Lars Korsnes
very similar to 'one' above, but worth a mention in what is really a no-win situtation for
me. They are arrogant, dominant and do not relate to me as a person. They want
control and will delegate it out on top of me if I am on their radar.
a) if they will be a big part of the job, i.e. direct managers/ in your line of fire, don't take it , ie. the job-the boat-the landlord-the new "buddy"
b) use charm
c) bend in the wind if the situation has a good medium or long term
3) set goals with PEOPLE as well as with my own work tasks
I have never done this.....this could be the whole key to turning my career around.
a) stay under the radar
b) come to with solutions
c) charm the pants off
d) build a camraderie with
e) influence/ manage
f) learn about their motivation- who they are.
g) better define their expectations of me
h) flag wave and trumpet blow
.i) go through other bosses
j) H+J = go round bosses to higher people.
k) who to be very questionning with/ precise and assertive
L) on K, who to blaff off and who to obey.M) how to work round the houses fabienne style to overcome arseholes.
4) Have clearly defined how a job/situation relates to my personal motivation and
assert if it is just a stepping stone.
a) don't focus on financial rewards, focus on career goalsb) BUT do focus on costs in jobs which bring relocation or other mess ups and be
prepared to walk away.c)
5) Always, on a monthly basis at least, be looking for new jobs and go to interviews
every couple of months or so when in a position. When the bad gut feeling comes,
ALWAYS focus on new jobs EARLY. A job advisor guy said an odd thing once which only
now I understand- when you get a job after a period of unemployment, keep on looking!
the goal from 4 is to really be in a place you are happy with, even if that is just a
stepping stone or filler. If the latter cases then ensure you like the people and are
content with just going with the flow there WHILE looking for other work!!!!!!
6) don't fool around with your own snakey route/ sophistry . Don't go in 'hoping' to get somewhere you want to be by just going with the flow until it reaches crisis. Get in, charm a
bit, lay your cards on the table and be prepared to walk away, early. Get in the door
and then keep your options open, and don't do what has happened with the X332 and the
7) keep options open: one option is just to say no thanks and walk away.
Better to walk than jog when you have a long way to travel
8) nip it in the bud. Go with your gut feeling or if someting is suspicoous :::: nip
it very early in the bud- people will respect you and the sharks on the reef will
know they have to megler! Make a note of your' paranoia' , turn it into a concern,
write down some questions - leave it- then come back when you have the bosses in a
good mood with flowing 2-way conversations. PREVENTION PREVENTION is better than the
shit I am going through now.
9) learn to be assertive for the sake of being assertive: always question orders,
instructions, prices, pay, overtime: always clarify and re-clarify with open
questions: avoid prsuming the worst- be objective and gather facts
10) DON*T PRESUME THE WORST is going to happen- use 8 and 9 to prevent it!
11) avoid ambushes: play the bloody game for god sake! All the Fabiennes of this world do just that. Round the houses, clarify, avoid, object and then onløy compromise but get some concessions anyway. Practice it! Just say no!
12) avoid being fobbed off eg genoa trimming.
1) you are meeting the queen- act on your best behaviour, you know you can.
b) alternativley, she is the nice receptionist, not the MD!
2) be on the phone- use this to avoid people you know are after something. Be in a
meeting, on the phone, dashing out, daughter ill you name it! avoid ambushes and work
around the houses on them
3) "I'll have to think about that', thanks, can I now have a word with the boss on
another matter?- then talk about the ambush!!
4) use the phone before and after important or influential e-mails or announcements. Always go in person to follow up an e-mail request, or find a work-around-the-houses before replying.
5) catch bosses in good moods to get some committment
6) use spin selling - define the problem- posin the IMPLICATIONS -